Everloving
by Taya7
Summary: Something happens between Martin and Sam that makes the friendship they have worked on since the breakup even more complicated...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: You know the story! I don't own anything, I'm just having a little fun...

_A/N: This one goes out to all the lovely people at IST! _

_And I would like to thank Thirteen Senses, The Fray, A Perfect Circle, Pete Yorn, Sarah Bettens, Sia, Pink Floyd, Dashboard Confessional, Feeder and various other bands for the inspiration when I needed it..._

_Special thanks to Moby, who helped me with the title;)_

**Title: Everloving**

_**Author: Taya**_

Everything was still quiet when Samantha Spade entered the office. She knew she was way too early, but she didn't care. There had to be something here she could do to distract her and keep the thoughts from returning. They had haunted her all night and robbed the time that had been left for the much needed sleep. But the lack of sleep was not the thing that worried her most, it was meeting him again. She wasn't sure what she would say or do and how he would react when he saw her.

She put her bag down next to her desk and took a seat. A quick look on her watch calmed her a bit. It was still half an hour before the others would be here. She could already see their questioning faces and hear Danny's remarks. It was not anything she was looking forward to.

"What have I done?" she sighed and buried her face in her hands.

-------------------

_Flashback: The evening before, Jack's apartment_

"_Hey! I'm glad you could make it at last." Jack said when he opened the door for her to enter his apartment._

"_Sorry, I know I'm late, but I forgot something at home and then I didn't get a cab at first. But here I am. Is everyone else there already?" Sam asked as she handed Jack her jacket._

"_Yeah, I think so." He sighed and smiled at her, "My apartment is far to small for a party like this. I shouldn't have listened to Danny. He talked me into all this birthday party stuff."_

"_Well it is a special occasion, isn't it?" She smiled back and paused for a moment "I know I said this earlier today, but happy birthday to you again."_

_She gave him a quick hug then and followed the voices of the other guests into Jack's living room. _

_The room was rather crowded, which didn't make Sam feel very comfortable. It were mostly people from work and a couple of private friends she didn't know. She saw Anne talking to Vivian in one corner and was just about to head for them when someone tapped on her back._

"_Hey, beautiful. We were worried you wouldn't show up" It was Danny. She didn't have to turn to recognize him. They had know each other for far too long for that. But when she turned she looked directly into his grinning face. She hadn't expected anything else._

"_Hey! I'm a bit late I know, but I would never leave you worried." She smiled. That was when she spotted Martin. He was coming up to them. They exchanged a glance and she knew that something was different tonight. She wasn't sure if it was him or her, but she could suddenly feel the butterflies in her stomach. Her eyes began to glow and she smiled shyly, but her gaze quickly shifted to the ground to hide it. She was flustered by the sudden emotional outburst. She kept telling herself that she was over it when he reached them._

"_Hey, Sam. Danny, here's your water." He handed his friend a glass and held his own bottle of beer._

_When his smell reached her and she heard his voice all that had happened between them over a year ago was suddenly back. She was fighting to regain control over her emotions._

_This was so ridiculous. She had seen him about three hours ago and everything was fine. Why now? She didn't have an answer, but she felt his glance sticking to her figure._

"_Ah...Sam, you want something to drink?" She heard him ask. He was nervous, she could sense that._

"_A beer would be great." She said and finally lifted her eyes to face him._

_Danny looked at both of them and smirked, but remained silent._

-------------------

The tension had been unbearable that evening and Sam was sure she had never felt anything like that. She knew they had both been under the influence of alcohol when they had left, but that didn't help her explain what had happened before. How it had come this far.

They had ended up at his place and that was basically the only difference to the first time when they had shared the cab after solving the Palmer case.

Leaving Jack's party quite early when it was still busy had been a good idea, but she was sure Danny had seen them leave together. He often noticed what was going on between his friends sooner than they themselves did.

Sam leaned back in her chair and let out a deep sigh. She wasn't sure how it could go on between her and Martin. They couldn't just ignore what had happened last night, but she was so tired of getting her life in order just to have it mixed up again by some incident. And this was not just some incident. They had slept together, twice.

Afterwards when Martin had already been asleep she had lain awake for at least half an hour. She wasn't sure if this was what she really wanted. They had been thrown back right to where they had begun the first time and she didn't want it to be like the first time. The more she had thought about it last night the more fear had been welling up in her. She didn't know where exactly it had come from, but she had eventually reached the point where she panicked and had stolen out of Martin's apartment without waking him. She had taken a cab home and gone into her own bed. But sleep had not come. She had cried a lot last night and when the tears had stopped for a minute the thoughts were there to replace them.

The thing that made everything even worse was that she didn't know what Martin was thinking about all of this. She always pictured the worst scenarios in her head: That he didn't want her in particular, but that he was drunk and she was there or that it was just sex and nothing more. He wasn't the kind of guy to do that, but she couldn't get rid of those ideas.

She knew they had to talk about that in due time, but she wasn't sure she was up to it. And she was very good at avoiding people she didn't want to talk to.

"Morning, sunshine." Danny leaned over the edge of her bullpen and seemed to be in a good mood.

"Oh, hey. I didn't see you coming." Sam was pulled from her thoughts and turned on her computer to pretend that everything was okay.

"You don't look like you got much sleep." There it was. Sam knew that a hint had to be coming, but she had expected Danny to wait a little longer with such a remark.

She was just about to say something when Viv and Martin stepped out of the elevator. Sam swallowed, but her mouth was dry.

Danny turned around to see what had caused Sam's face to petrify. When he saw Martin he noticed that the question he had just asked Sam had been inappropriate. He caught the glance that was exchanged between his friends and knew that something was not right.

He decided to ease the tension a little bit by asking a casual question.

"Has anyone seen Jack and Elena already?" It was a stupid question, but it helped. Sam was released from her paralyzed state and turned her face to the computer screen, Martin shook his head and sat down on his chair and Viv came over to Danny and Sam.

"No, I haven't, but it's still early. They'll turn up in a minute." Viv said and then looked at Sam. "Where have you been yesterday? I haven't seen you after 11."

_Ouch_, was all Danny could think.

"I..." Sam shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "I wasn't feeling well."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're feeling better today."

_Like hell I do_, was what Sam thought. She knew that Viv meant well, but she really didn't want to be the center of attention today and she didn't want any sympathy. So she simply nodded and turned back to her computer.

-------------------

It was a quiet day at the office and Sam was glad that there was little chance she would have to talk to Martin. As there was no case Jack couldn't send them investigating in the field together and in the office there was always somebody around.

It was in the afternoon that Sam rubbed her tired eyes for the hundredth time that day and got up to get herself a coffee from the break room. Her back was sore from sitting the whole day and her legs protested. She should have seen this as a sign, because when she entered the room Martin was standing there all alone. Sam wanted to turn around, but she knew he had heard her coming in and her pride forbid her to walk away.

"Hey," He tried to sound as casual as possible, "you want one, too?"

"That would be nice." She answered and they remained silent for the rest of the time.

He handed her the cup and she instinctively prepared herself for what she knew was coming.

She took the cup, blocked all her emotions as good as she could and held her hand up to silence him before he had said anything.

That of course didn't stop him.

"Sam, we need to sort this out..." She could see that he was struggling to keep his composure. So was she. She bit her lower lip and forced back the tears.

"Not now." Was all she could say before she headed out of the room.

-------------------

Sam didn't head back to her bullpen, but to Jack's office. She knocked at the door.

Jack look up for the papers in front of him and invited her with a gesture to come in.

"What is it?" He asked while he took off his glasses.

Sam didn't want to beat about the bush.

"I need three weeks off."

Jack was surprised and didn't respond at first.

"I still have three weeks, haven't I?" She asked unsure what his facial cast was supposed to tell her.

"Yeah, sure." He said, but he still looked at her with concern. "May I ask why you need the three weeks all of a sudden?"

Her uneasiness was written in big letters over her whole body.

"I...," she sighed, "I really need them, please."

He stood up slowly to get a better look at her. She seemed desperate and he was not going to deny her some time off, but he wanted to know what was going on with her. Although he had an idea about that.

"This doesn't have anything to do with what happened yesterday night, does it?" He asked.

Sam gasped for breath which made it impossible for her to answer that question.

"Sam, I'm not blind. You and Martin were the only guests that left without a word yesterday and I could almost see the tension in form of a thunderstorm between you two today. So it's not far-fetched to assume that this has something to do with Martin."

"It has, okay? And I really need some time to figure some things out. It's very complicated and honestly I don't want to talk about it right now."

Jack slowly nodded. He knew that this was all he would get out of her. She was very stubborn when it came to that.

"Alright. You get your three weeks, but I want you two to sort this out before you come back. I don't need personal problems affecting the team, understood?"

He realized that this sounded stern, but he knew Martin and Sam better than they thought. Sometimes they behaved like children, especially when it came to feelings. They needed a deadline.

Sam nodded and left his office.

Jack sank back into his chair, put the glasses on his nose and sighed.

"Interoffice dating..." He said to himself before he turned back to his work.

_**End Chapter One...**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

In the evening when almost everybody had left Martin still sat at his desk, his head resting on his left fist. The other hand was entering something in the computer. He didn't want to go home. What would greet him there was an empty apartment and he didn't want to face that just yet.

He wanted Sam to be there and just talk to her, but he knew she needed some time and he accepted that. What had happened between them last night wasn't right, but they both couldn't help it. Martin hadn't thought about the consequences and at that moment Sam hadn't either. But she was much more pensive than he was and once something had set Sam thinking it was hard to get to her, because she became so fearful and fragile that she just hindered everyone from coming too close. That must have been the reason she had left that night without telling him. When he noticed she was gone the next morning he realized how this really effected both of them. He had wanted her last night and he still did, but it was not as easy as alcohol often made it seem.

"Hey, man. You still here?" Martin hadn't heard Danny approaching, but when he looked up he was standing right beside him.

"Yeah, I'm going to finish this and then head home."

Danny nodded and went to pick up his stuff. He wasn't sure if his friend would accept it, but he looked as if he needed someone to talk to.

"Martin," he waited until he looked up from his screen, "maybe we should call it a night now and get something to eat."

"You asking me out for dinner?" Martin laughed.

"But only if I pick the place. I don't want to end up eating junk food."

"Sure." Martin nodded and began to gather his belongings.

-----------

What they had was Chinese takeaway. Martin didn't feel like sitting down in a restaurant so they chose to eat while walking through the park.

"My uncle ask me to accompany her to the concert and I went. But there is nothing he could possibly say to convince me to go again." They had talked about sports, which got them to music and Martin had just finished the story about one of his cousins who wanted to go to a concert of some pop band and uncle Marty was the lucky one to accompany her.

"When I was her age I liked Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd or something going in that direction." He continued.

Danny couldn't help laughing.

"You were a rocker? I can hardly believe that."

"I was and my parents didn't like it. Especially when I started playing electric guitar in my room. Those were great times and the girls liked it."

"You still try to impress the girls with your guitar?" Danny asked with a big grin on his face.

"No, I think I'm over that. When I play now it's just to annoy the neighbors."

"I didn't know you were musical. You never mentioned it and neither did Sam." Danny felt now was a good time to say something about Sam. He could see Martin's face go serious the moment her name was mentioned, his good mood fading away.

"She liked to listen to it. I'm a poor singer so I just played from time to time. I know this sounds like in a stupid love story, but it was not like that."

Danny watched a quick smile appearing on Martin's face when he thought about those moments. Martin let out a sigh and continued.

"Actually Sam was the one digging out my guitar which was buried under loads of clothes somewhere in my wardrobe. I had forgotten all about it." He let out a deep breath pushing away the thought before he got too emotional about it.

"You two never seem to get over what you had, right?" Danny sat down on a bench and Martin sat down next to him.

"No, at least I can't. Being together with her was challenging and not always easy, but she was special and still is."

Danny nodded.

"Yes, she is. And I'm sure she thinks the same about you."

Martin shrugged.

"I don't know, maybe. It's just so frustrating that we can never make it work. It seems that when we take one step forwards we take two steps back not much later. Yesterday was proof of that."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Well there's not much to tell that you don't know already. We left together and went over to my place. You can imagine the rest. She left that night without saying a word. I think we pushed this a little too far."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked. He didn't know how things had started between Sam and Martin and what had happened later on. Otherwise he might have understood.

"It's just that we can't seem to make it work on any other level than the physical level and this is what we both want to avoid. I mean we want to make it work on all the other levels too, but there is always misunderstandings and other things getting in the way of a real relationship." Martin tried to explain.

"So Sam might afraid that you don't want more and you worry that you hurt her yesterday, because she wasn't ready?" Danny tried to get the short version of a very complicated story right.

"Something like that, yeah. I think it was just a very bad idea to express what I feel in that form, because of our...well let's call it "history". Sex cannot be the basis of a serious relationship, but I think this is the feeling I gave her yesterday. That's why she panicked, because she was afraid it was going to be like before."

A short silence passed between the two friends, before Danny spoke again.

"I know that Sam is a person afraid of committing, but, Martin, I think she really wants to be with you. So maybe this is not just about what you have done wrong, but it could be that she is also afraid of what she has done and what you must think of her now. Maybe that she will never change and that being with her means having sex as the basis of a relationship. Which I'm sure you don't think."

Martin shook his head vehemently.

"Then maybe you should just go and talk to her about it. I'm sure you'll sort this out. Maybe I'll be Uncle Danny after all." Danny smiled and patted Martin's back.

-----------

Sam was sitting on her couch wrapped in a blanket. She had taken a bath when she had arrived home. It had helped her relax a little.

Now as she was listening to the sound of silence her thoughts were racing again. It was impossible for her to figure out what she really wanted. When Martin was around she wished he would just go away and when he wasn't with her she missed him so much that she began to imagine he would knock at her door any minute.

She hoped that the three weeks of solitariness would help her solve that problem. Otherwise it would be hard, if not impossible to continue working with him. If she would come to the conclusion that she couldn't be with him...

_Oh, stop it, Sam!_ She called herself back to reality. _You already know you want to be with him._

And that was the truth, but she was glad that there was nobody around she could share this with.

She was so afraid of rejection. And she had already been rejected by Martin once she couldn't stand that a second time. The reason why he had ended things between them worried her even now. Sam knew she had a problem with showing her feelings openly, but she really wanted to work on that to maybe give a relationship with Martin a second chance in the future. If he was willing to give her that chance.

But what must he think of her now... After everything that had happened yesterday. She certainly didn't show him that she had tried to work on herself in any way. Everything was down to sexual attraction again. That's the feeling she must have given him. What she should have done was tell him how much he meant to her, but that was so much harder than just sleep together. And she hated herself for not being brave enough.

Sam stroked her still wet her and let out a deep breath. Then she turned on the TV and tried to forget everything.

-----------

"Has anyone seen Sam? She was supposed to accompany me to meet this NYPD guy and he doesn't like people not being on time." Danny asked heading towards the conference table where everyone else was seated.

Elena and Viv shook their heads, Martin just looked up and Jack didn't try hide that he knew something, but he took his time before he answered.

"She has taken some time off."

Danny didn't ask why. He had expected something like this to happen and he couldn't blame her for it. It probably was for the best, because the distance helped her to think properly and apart from that it would sustain the efficiency of the team. Not that this was his main concern, but the present situation didn't really support Martin and Sam working very successful in each others presence.

"Do you know when she will be back?" Elena asked.

"In three weeks." Was Jack's answer before he turned back to some reports lying in front of him obviously not wanting to pursue this topic any further. Discussing any of this in front of the others and especially Martin would get him involved and he could certainly do without that. And besides he didn't want to show up either of the ones affected.

"Three weeks off?" Vivian said with surprise. "That doesn't sound like our Sam. You had to force her to take her remaining days off last time. I hope she's alright?"

"She is." Jack hoped to end this conversation with that. Luckily Danny came to his aid.

"Why don't you let me take Martin to see this guy then? Seems to me that there's not enough work for four people here anyway."

Jack nodded. "Go ahead."

Once Martin and Danny were out of sight Vivian turned to Jack.

"What is it you're not telling me?"

"Nothing in particular. Just let them sort it out." And Viv knew exactly what he meant leaving only a puzzled and uninformed Elena at the desk.

-----------

"Have you talked to her yet?" Danny asked keeping his eyes on the street while he was driving.

"No, haven't had the opportunity yet."

"Okay." Danny said when he noticed that Martin wasn't in the mood for talk like this.

"What does this NYPD guy want from us anyway?" Martin tried to change the subject to escape further questioning.

"Just have us look at some files of a missing person's case we dealt with some time ago. Try to help them solve something they are investigating right now. It was before your time that's why Sam should have come with me. But, well, I thought this was a good opportunity to get you out of the office for some time."

"Yeah, thanks." There was a short pause before Martin continued. "Do you think everyone already knows...about that thing between Sam and me?"

"I don't think so. I'm sure Sam didn't tell anyone neither did I, but you know Jack and Viv. One way or the other they always find out. And I'm sure at least Jack has a hunch."

Martin nodded. He knew that Jack had always cared for Sam and he often noticed when something was going on with her. She must have talked to him when she wanted to get the three weeks off. Though Martin was certain that she hadn't told Jack anything he suspected Danny to be right: Jack had to have a hunch. But what difference would it make? None to him, but maybe this affected Sam in some way.

**End chapter 2...**

A/N: Hope you like it so far... You might have noticed: I'm not a native speaker. Erm... and reviews are very much appreciated:)


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

The day had passed uneventful, but when Danny returned to the office he felt like he hadn't slept in at least 24 hours. The meeting with NYPD had been successful. He could provide them with some important information concerning the case they had to deal with.

Martin had gone home from there and decided to collect his stuff tomorrow. Danny worried a little about his friend. He had been through a tough two days and the emotional turmoil had left its traces on him. He had looked weary and tired when he had left and Danny knew that there was nothing he could do about that. But he was an optimist and he was certain that his friends would solve this problem. He had to admit that he never really understood the problem between Martin and Sam. It was obvious that they loved each other, but there was always something that was keeping them from getting together again.

Danny sighed and silently hoped that he would never get into such a situation. But it was very unlikely, because he was very straightforward and always knew what he wanted.

"Hey." It was Elena still sitting in front of her computer.

"Hey, I didn't expect anyone to be here. It's past ten."

"I know. I just needed to finish this. But I'm almost done."

"Okay." Danny said heading towards his bullpen to get his things. He stuffed them into his bag and walked towards the elevator.

"Good night." He called over to Elena.

"Danny? Could I ask you something?" Elena asked when she noticed that he was just about to leave.

"Sure. What is it?" He headed back to her.

Elena was feeling slightly uncomfortable and Danny couldn't think of anything she could possibly ask him that would leave her so uneasy.

"I was thinking about Sam..." She began, "Is there something between her and Martin? It's just that I overheard the conversation this morning and it was a bit strange not knowing what was going on, because everyone else obviously did."

Danny couldn't help smiling which made Elena feel even more uncomfortable. She was beginning to regret she ever asked and was about to say that when Danny decided to relieve her from her unease.

"It's a complicated story, but yeah, there is something between Martin and Sam."

"Oh, okay that explains a lot. I was getting a little confused about that seemingly random talk this morning. Thanks for clearing this up for me."

Danny grinned at her.

"Glad to be of service."

-------------------

Martin was sitting on his couch watching basketball when his phone ran.

He had played with the thought of calling Sam a lot of times since he had got home, but he hadn't had the guts to do it yet.

When his fingers pressed the answer button he noticed that his hand was shaking. He held the phone to his ear.

"Fitzgerald." He said and tried to keep his voice from sounding too excited. "Oh, hey mum. No, I wasn't expecting anyone else's to call. I'm fine... No, not disappointed. I've already told you that I didn't expect anyone else to call. Just watching basketball."

It wasn't Sam. He should have known, but he couldn't banish all of the frustration from his voice. Even his mother who usually was too cheerful to see that there was something wrong with him had noticed.

When he had ended the call with his mother he leaned back on the sofa and took a deep breath. It couldn't go on like this. He had to do something even if he knew that it wouldn't have any effect. So he picked up the phone again and dialed Sam's number.

There was one "beep" and then another one and again another. She wasn't at home or didn't want to talk to him. But he wouldn't give up that easily this time.

When he got the answering machine he said:

"Hey Sam, it's me, Martin. I..." He paused for a moment to consider his words carefully. "I would really like to see you to talk about how it's going to go on between us." His voice broke. He tried to sound as casual as he could under the circumstances. Another deep breath was needed before he could continue. "I don't know if you're at home or not, but why don't you just give me a call when you're ready to talk. I...erm... Good night then." He couldn't say any more and he wasn't sure what he could have added. He wanted to say how much he missed her and how much he wanted her to be there right now, but that seemed hardly appropriate at the phone and probably wasn't a good idea considering that he had no idea what she thought about him just now.

-------------------

Sam had heard him speak and was now lying in her bed silently crying herself to sleep. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't know if she was ready to take the step. What if he didn't want her? She didn't want to take the risk just yet.

It took her more than two weeks to give him the call he had been waiting for for so long.

Martin hadn't been feeling very well in that time, but he tried to hide it when he was at work. The only one who could guess what he went through was Danny, but he kept it to himself. He had stopped asking Martin, if he had found the opportunity to talk to Sam, because every time he had done that he had seen the look of sadness appear on Martin's face.

So everything ran rather smoothly at the office at least outwardly.

They had solved the case of an elderly woman who had gone missing that day and Martin was glad when he finally got home. He stretched out on he couch too tired to even get himself something to eat. It wasn't very late yet, but had been woken up very early when Danny had called him to the place where the woman had disappeared.

So when his phone rang he sighed deeply, let it ring a moment longer and finally stood up to answer it.

"Fitzgerald." He said sounding a bit annoyed, because somebody had disturbed him while he had tried to relax.

There was a short silence at the other end. The person calling obviously seemed to be taken aback by the way his voice sounded.

"_Erm...Hey, it's me. I'm sorry if I picked a bad time."_

Martin was glad that the couch wasn't far. He let himself fall back onto it and had to concentrate so he wouldn't stammer when he answered.

It was Sam. He hadn't expected her to call at all.

"Oh hey, sorry, I just got back from work and...," He stopped for a moment, "But you didn't pick a bad time at all."

"_Okay, I just wanted to ask you... if you've got no time or anything now it's okay... but I just wanted to let you know that I think we should have the conversation you suggested we'd have and I'm ready for it."_

Martin was stunned, but only for a couple of seconds. Then he had to smile to himself. He felt so relieved that this was finally getting somewhere. Although he didn't know what she was about to tell him and whether he would like it or not he would at least know where they stood and go on from there.

"Good. I mean that's fine with me. Should I come over then?" Martin didn't feel tired anymore on the contrary he suddenly was wide awake.

"_If you would do that. I...sorry this just feels a bit strange now. You come over now then?"_

Martin nodded before he realized she couldn't see him.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a bit." He could understand why she thought this felt strange somehow. He felt the same way. Talking about coming over to talk and not knowing how it would end made him feel very nervous.

"_See you then."_

"See you."

-------------------

The ride with the cab from his apartment to Sam's seemed to take ages. Martin tried to imagine what it would be like to talk to Sam about what had happened between the two of them. He hadn't noticed that he was playing with his fingers, but when he saw the taxi driver smiling in the driving mirror he felt caught and tried to keep his nervousness under control.

"You seem to be quite tense." The driver stated.

Martin was used to that kind of curiosity among cab drivers and he often welcomed small talk, but tonight he just wanted to get to someone he really cared about and he feared that every interruption of his thinking would make him forget what he wanted to say to her. But he didn't want to seem impolite.

"Yeah, you could say that."

The driver grinned once again.

"I remember when I proposed to my Lisa I was almost as nervous as you are now. Luckily she accepted me."

Martin relaxed a little and even allowed himself to smile.

"Lucky you."

"Indeed I am. She is a great wife. Those ladies bring up feelings in us..." He snorted with amusement.

Martin knew that the driver had figured him all out.

"My name is Stan by the way."

Martin didn't get the chance to answer, because the cab stopped.

"There we are. Good luck with your lady then!"

-------------------

Counting the regular beats of her heart helped her keep her emotions in check.

_851_...

She felt sick, but couldn't determine whether the origin was hunger or nervousness. Actually the two things went hand in hand, because she was too nervous to eat, which made her even more sick.

When she had picked up the phone and dialed Martin's number she had thought she was ready, but now she would do anything to turn back the time and make it undone.

_Maybe it is a good thing I can't otherwise this thing will never be sorted out,_ she thought.

Because she was sure she would have taken the easy path if she could, but that wouldn't make her feel any better. On the contrary the uncertainty she had lived with for the last weeks had made her feel more miserable than she had been in a long time, but every now and then she had caught herself thinking that she didn't deserve to feel any better. This needed to be talked about and she knew it.

_945..._

She had to get up from the couch. Every muscle in her body screamed to be moved and for a moment she thought about locking the door so she wouldn't have to see anybody.

_This is so ridiculous_, she heard the voice in her head trying to talk reason.

She got up and felt that her body was stiff from all the sitting in front of the phone not daring to pick it up and make the call. It must have taken her hours to overcome her fear.

_1032..._

She stretched and wandered about her apartment. Her legs lead her into the bathroom.

A quick look in the mirror made her see the traces of three weeks nervous torture. She knew that Martin probably wouldn't care about the way she looked, but her pride forbid her to get into his sight like this. She turned on the water and let her face welcome the cold fluid.

_1456..._

She let herself fall back on the couch and couldn't help yawning. Sleep hadn't really been a regular guest. She pulled her legs closer encircled them with her arms resting her head on her knees. The beating of her heart was still fast until it suddenly stopped for a second.

_1768..._

That was the exact number of heartbeats she had counted before somebody knocked at her door and she knew exactly who it would be.

**End Chapter 3...**

A/N: Tada...;) I just wanted to thank the loverly people who took the time to review this story! Thank you guys! This really means a lot to me...


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

The moment she heard the knock at the door Sam's heart stopped for a second just to pound twice as hard in the next. She got up from the couch very quickly to think as little as possible about what was about to happen. Dizziness rose in her, but that didn't stop her from going to the door and opening it slowly.

"Hey!" she said with a thin voice.

"Hey!" Martin answered his lips forming a soft smile.

She held the door open for him to enter and took a deep breath before closing it again. This breath was necessary to calm herself, because she had already begun to feel the temptation once she had set her eyes on him.

"Why don't you give me your jacket?" she offered and stretched out her hand for it.

"Sure." He took it off and handed it over to her while he scrutinized her carefully.

She still seemed to be the old Sam, but as if she had lost all of her energy. Her eyes looked tired, her face pale and all of her movements appeared to be a little slower than usual.

The three weeks seemed to have been harder on her than on him, but he had had work to distract his thoughts. She had been surrounded by them 24/7.

"Take a seat. Would like anything to drink?"

"No, thanks, I'm fine." He sat down on the couch.

Sam sat down next to him and an awkward silence began to fill the room.

"And how are things at work?" she desperately tried to find something to talk about so she wouldn't have to begin with what had been on her mind the past weeks.

"Same as always. People are missing, we find them." He shrugged not willing to pick up the unwanted topic himself.

"And the others? How are they?" The only one from the team she had spoken to in three weeks was Danny who had called to ask how she was.

"They are fine. Jack's a little on edge lately, but apart from that everything is fine."

Sam nodded slowly and pulled her legs on the couch so she could sit cross-legged with her back resting against the arm and her face turned to him.

Again there was silence and Sam began to chew on her lower lip.

Martin sighed. He knew it was up to him to begin this.

"But I suppose work and the others are not the reason I'm here now, are they?"

Sam was a little surprised. She had suspected to dance around this conversation a little longer. Her eyes met his for a second and then she quickly shifted her gaze on her hands.

"No, I suppose they're not."

"Look," Martin began, "what happened at the evening of Jack's party was a mistake."

Sam's gaze was stuck on her hands which were playing with each other nervously. She couldn't quite make out the meaning of what he had said. Did he mean that sleeping with her had been a mistake in the sense that it had been the wrong way to be with her or that being with her in general had been a mistake?

"Sam, look at me..." he said while his right hand gently forced her to look at him.

She felt his warm hand touching her chin and a moment later their eyes met again.

He sensed that she wasn't going to say anything so he continued.

"I know I hurt you, okay?"

She shook her head.

"You didn't hurt me. It's far more complicated than that."

"Why did you run away without saying a word then? And why did you refuse to talk to me? Instead you took your vacation and left me sick with worry."

She was taken aback by the harshness in his voice. He was hurt and she knew that, but she hadn't expected him to be that frustrated.

"I know." She paused, took a deep breath, but didn't continue.

"Sam, you have to talk to me otherwise this will lead to nothing. I'm beginning to wonder what I came here for." He knew this was unfair and he regretted what he had said the moment it was out.

He saw a tear silently rolling down her cheek, but he didn't have time to apologize.

"I was afraid I guess." She blurted out and the tear fell on her hand, but was quickly replaced by another one.

She left her place on the couch and walked towards the window. It was dark outside and it had begun to rain. The soft thudding of the raindrops against the glass helped her calm a bit.

Martin had got up as well and was standing right behind her. She could see his reflection in the window.

"I'm sorry. That was dumb." He said.

She nodded in agreement, but then turned around and could even give him a forgiving smile. Relief was written in big letters all over his face, but he remained silent for fear of making things worse.

"I was afraid of...", Sam finally began, "well actually I was afraid of everything. Of what this meant to you or better what this didn't mean to you and what you must think of me now, of what kind of influence this would have on the friendship we have, of having a conversation like this..." She wiped away the tears while she spoke, but new ones began to stream and she couldn't suppress her sobs. He took one step towards her and pulled her in his embrace.

"Shh." He gently swayed her in his arms trying to comfort her. There was a long silence before he spoke again.

"You don't need to be afraid of anything. Especially not of what I must think of you or what this meant to me. Do you think it would have come to all of this if I didn't care about you? This thing after Jack's party happened, because you are the most important person in my life who means more to me than I could express in words. And the only thing I regret from this evening is that I expressed my feelings in a way so that you had to be afraid of anything."

He could sense her breath against his shoulder. She didn't move, but he felt her arms tighten around him.

"Really?" she mumbled into his shirt.

He had to laugh at that.

"Of course. You think I make this up?"

She turned her head to look into his face.

"With you I never know for sure." She smiled under her tears. He used his thumb to wipe them away. Sam's face went serious again.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's just... there always seems to be something in the way which keeps this from working. And..." She paused and buried her face in his shoulder again. "You know if this doesn't work out I feel like I'm gonna lose you... not only like this, but also as a friend. And I'm not sure I could deal with that."

He gently caressed her hair.

"Then I suggest we just get rid of that something quickly. We could try to scare it away with a badge and your gun. Maybe this will work."

She chuckled silently although this hadn't been particularly funny.

"Yeah, maybe. But I really want this to work this time."

"Then it will." He assured her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

They stood like that for a while listening to the sound of the rain thudding against the window when Martin's stomach began to protest that he hadn't had anything to eat yet.

Sam giggled when she heard the strange noise.

"You hungry?" She asked teasingly. Her voice still revealed that she had cried.

"Could be." He answered.

"Should we change that?"

"I would really hate to let go of you, you know..."

Sam freed herself from his embrace.

"And I would really hate to see you starve. I'm gonna make you a sandwich and be back in a sec."

-------------------

"You feeling better now?" Sam asked when Martin had swallowed down the last piece of his sandwich.

She had found back to her old position - her back against the armrest, her legs crossed - so she could face him.

"Yeah, thanks." He nodded.

They remained silent for a while.

Sam couldn't really relax in his presence and she was sure that Martin felt very similar about it. She could sense his growing uneasiness as if there was still something like a wall between them they hadn't broken through yet.

"Why is it I can't seem to get rid of the feeling there are still some things that need to be said?" Sam finally broke the silence.

Martin shrugged.

"It would have been too easy." He smiled sadly.

"It's just..." she carefully considered her words, "I don't want it to be like the last time. I..." she shrugged searching for the right way to put it. "I had the feeling it brought more pain to both of us than anything else."

"You're probably right. It was frustrating from time to time, because things didn't work the way they should have."

Sam knew exactly what he meant: Her fear of committing. But she knew that this was not supposed to be a reproach.

"I...maybe we should just talk about those things in the future. I once heard a person say that talking is a good basis for a relationship..." She smiled and changed her position so she could lie her head on his lap.

"Must have been a clever person." He smiled back and began to play with her hair.

"But I know one thing for sure," she paused to make sure she had his full attention, "I don't want to be without you."

-------------------

Sam had fallen asleep her head still resting on his lap. Her features looked so at peace that Martin regretted he had to wake her, but he had to go to work in the morning and he needed some sleep before that.

He waited for a minute longer to enjoy her closeness. It felt so good to be near her again, to watch her sleep. She didn't seem to be so calm and content at any time of the day. Watching her like that had always made everything seem so easy and free of worry when they had been together about a year ago. He hoped that this time not only moments like this would give him this feeling. But he had every faith in them.

"Hey, beautiful..." He whispered. Sam didn't even stir.

"Hey..." He started another attempt this time touching her face gently. There was no reaction.

He sighed and carefully raised her head so he could get up. Then he let it sink on the couch.

Sam was still sound asleep. She probably hadn't had a good nights sleep in days.

Martin opened the door to her bedroom and went back to the couch to get her. He lifted her up into his arms. This time she woke, but only to wrap her arms around his neck. She mumbled something he didn't understand and went back to sleep.

He carried her to her room carefully placing her on the bed. She already wore a comfortable outfit she could sleep in so he just tuck her up with a blanket. He placed a good-night-kiss on her lips and was just about to leave when he heard her stir.

"Don't leave... I don't want to be alone." Her voice was merely a whisper and Martin wasn't even sure she knew what she had said, but he nodded.

"Okay." He said taking off his shoes and lying down beside her.

With a content yawn Sam turned and snuggled against him.

**End Chapter 4...**

A/N: ...But that's NOT the end of the story:) That was pretty much a The Fray inspired chapter... I listened to "How to save a life" and especially "Look after you" a lot... Let me know what you think so far...


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

Sam tried to slip under the covers as silently as she could, but she could hear Martin move beside her nevertheless. It was still dark outside and it hadn't stopped raining all night. She could still hear the soft thudding against the windows. From beside her she perceived a yawn.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." She whispered.

"What time is it?" Martin sounded drowsy.

Sam turned to have a look at the big red numbers of her alarm-clock.

"Half past six."

Martin sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm glad you did wake me. Otherwise I might have been late for work. Where have you been by the way?"

Sam shrugged before she realized he couldn't see her.

"I needed the bathroom." She answered and turned on the lamp on her nightstand.

"Ooohhh, that was mean..." Martin moaned shielding his eyes with his arm.

"I thought you needed to get up. I was just trying to be supportive" She teased.

"I do need to get up, but I didn't picture it like that." He put his arm beside him to get used to the light.

"You didn't?" She rolled over to him and kissed him good morning. "Was that better?"

"That was more like it." He smiled, but he went serious again when he got a closer look at her. "Are you okay? You look quite pale?"

"I feel a bit woozy, but I'm okay."

"You sure?" Martin looked worried, but Sam nodded as if she didn't want to hear about it.

"I'm okay. I really am. But you need to get up now. There's work waiting for you."

"Thanks for reminding me." Martin sighed and kissed her before he got out of bed.

-------------------

Martin had just been ready and was about to leave when his cell phone rang.

"Fitzgerald." He said in the same tone as always when he picked up the phone.

Sam looked up, curious who it would be.

"Hey Danny!" Then Martin listened to something his friend on the other end explained. Sam could hear somebody talking, but she couldn't understand what he said. After some time it was Martin's turn to say something again. "Okay, I'll be there in a bit. Depends on how busy the streets are. See you later." With that he hung up.

He turned to Sam who was sitting at the kitchen table where they just had had a quick breakfast.  
"That was Danny. A 14 year-old was just reported missing. I need to meet him at the parents house. I'm sorry, work calls."

Sam shrugged.

"Never mind. You would have had to go in a minute or so anyway." She slowly followed him to the door.

He had already opened it when he turned around.

"I don't know how long this will take of course, but if it's not too late would it be okay with you if I came by to check on you?"

Sam had to chuckle.

"Check on me? Okay, you may do that."

He leaned forward to kiss her goodbye. When their lips met however he just couldn't leave her. They got stuck in the moment and the kiss became deeper and more passionate than intended at first. When they broke for a moment Sam pushed him away a little.

"I'll still be here tonight. You better go and meet up with Danny now."

Martin nodded. Of course she was right. That teenager should be his first priority at the moment, but it was hard to concentrate on anything other than Sam when she was standing right in front of him and they were alone.

"Okay, I know. See you tonight then. I'll call you." He gave her another quick kiss and with that he was off leaving Sam alone in her apartment.

-------------------

Of course Martin had expected to get stuck in traffic, but he couldn't shake that it was worse than ever. It was New York City however and he had lived here for quite a while now. Long enough to know how things worked and especially what it felt like being stranded on the road during Rush Hour. Nothing moved for a long time until suddenly traffic ran relatively smooth again for big city standards.

When he reached the house of the missing teenager's parents he could already spot Danny checking his watch.

"Hey, man, sorry I'm late. Traffic was a real bitch this morning."

Danny nodded, but couldn't hide a smile. "I bet it was." He said not trying to hide a knowing undertone. His friend was so transparent. He hadn't been late in the past three weeks. On the contrary, he had always been there earlier than everyone else. Danny thought it must have had to do with restlessness or the sleep that didn't seem to be coming and there was definitely a connection to Sam. But what really made the difference this morning was that Martin seemed so much more positive this morning and he wouldn't be Danny if he didn't know first about what was going on with his best friends.

"So what have we got?" Martin asked as they made their way to the front door.

"Mildred Lewis, 14 years old, went to a party at a friend's house last night, but obviously never got there. Parents got worried when she didn't show up and called at the friend's house, but they didn't even seem to know of any party at all. So they called the police." Danny rang the doorbell and searched the pocket of his coat for his badge.

A woman in her mid-fourties opened the door. She looked terrible as if she had cried all night. And this was a fair assumption of course.

"Mrs. Lewis?" The woman nodded. "We're the agents Fitzgerald and Taylor. May we come in?"

"Of course..." she held the door open for them to enter.

Martin let a sigh before he entered. He doubted that he was going to have the chance to see Sam tonight. If they were lucky they would find this girl alive, but that would take time.

-------------------

The parents couldn't give them very much on the disappearance of Mildred Lewis. But the agents knew that the parents of missing person often weren't very talkative and helpful during the first questioning. It often happened that they forgot to tell essential details sometimes even deliberately. This of course took valuable time, but the agents came behind it eventually.

Martin and Danny were on their way to the school Mildred went to. They needed to talk to this friend.

"So," Danny took his eyes from the street for a moment to look at his friend, who was sitting in the passenger's seat, "How is Sam?"

"She was fine this morning." He said not thinking about what he had just said. When he looked back at Danny and saw the big grin he realized how much he had just told him.

"That's good to know. So you two finally sorted it out?" Danny asked stopping in front of the red lights.

"Yeah, I guess we did." Martin couldn't hide a smile when he thought about it.

"That's good news. But I have to say that it was about time. I've once heard somebody say: I've never seen two people such much in love and yet so determined to refuse to admit it. The first thought that came to my mind were you and Sam. I just couldn't help it."

It was the typical Danny to say something like that and keep on grinning like a Cheshire cat. The happiness of other people seemed to leave him more satisfied than his own did.

Martin shook his head. "I'm not refusing to admit anything. It's just a little more complicated."

"It's always as complicated as you decide to have it. I'd say in your case it was quite easy: You love her, she loves you...happy end! But you seemed to have figured that out without my help. Although it took a little longer. But I swear I would have done something to open your eyes, if you two hadn't come to your senses."

Martin had to laugh about his friend. He hadn't thought him to be so affected by his their personal lives.

"Don't you laugh!", Danny said and did his best to look convincingly hurt. "I'm serious on this."

"Sure." Martin shook his head still smiling when the school came in sight.

"There we go." Danny said when he parked the car and got out to continue with work.

-------------------

"Lioba Anderson?" Martin asked approaching a fragile-looking teenager with blonde, curly hair.

The girl was standing in front of the locker her back turned to the agents. She froze when she heard the voice from directly behind her. Slowly she turned around to face them.

Danny and Martin exchanged knowing glances. When someone reacted like that they usually were at the right address to dig something up.

"So you are Lioba? Did I pronounce that correctly?" Danny asked her again.

"It's Lioba, like in Leo... And yes that's me."

"That's good, because we wanted to ask you a few questions about that party you were going to have last night."

Lioba shook her head and wanted to walk away, but Danny stepped in her way.

"Look, I really need to get to my French class." She complained.

"I'm sure your teacher wouldn't mind, if you tell him the FBI had a couple of questions to ask."

"Are you even allowed to question me without my parents?"

Martin sighed inwardly. He hoped that he would never have a teenager as complicated and annoying as this.

"As a matter of fact your parents gave us the permission to do that, because it seems to be in their interested to find Mildred Lewis as quickly as possible."

A dumbfounded expression appeared on Lioba's face.

"This is about Millie?" She couldn't banish the surprise from her voice.

Now it was the agents turn to look puzzled. Martin was the first to find his speech back.

"Yeah. What else would it be about?"

Lioba shrugged. "Just some teenager stuff. But did you just say that Millie is missing?"

Danny nodded.

"She told her parents she would go to a party at your place, but she didn't show up at the time they'd agreed she would be back. And they called your parents house to find out there wasn't any party. So we really need to know everything you know that might have anything to do with her disappearance."

The blonde girl sighed.

"That might be quite a bit. Millie had this boyfriend she had been babbling about for the past three weeks, but her parents didn't know about him. They are quite strict when it comes to boys. So she pressed me to invent this party so she could go to the movies with him."

Martin scribbled that down on his notebook.

"What kind of boyfriend was this? Do you know his name?" Danny asked.

"She knew him from her job. She delivers the newspaper twice a week. He was a bit older than Millie. I think 19 or something. I don't remember all the details, but his name was Michael Lloyd."

-------------------

"What do you think?" Danny asked when they left the school. They had just called the office to tell them the news and it was up to them to make out the whereabouts of Michael Lloyd now.

"Well...," Martin shrugged, "Teenager's and their parents are strange creatures. I bet Lioba Anderson was afraid we had seen her smoking weed with her friends behind the gym. And this Millie has to hide her boyfriend from her parents, who allow her to go to a party when she's got school the other day. This is so ridiculous. Remind me not to be so inconsistent if I should ever have kids."

"I might just pick you up on that." Danny replied grinning.

**End Chapter 5...**

A/N: That might have been quite an uninteresting chapter in smarty-senses, but IT IS COMING BACK! I promise!


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6:**_

Sam stepped out of her apartment. It was about noon and she really needed to buy some food. The cupboards as well as the fridge greeted her with emptiness.

She locked the door behind her and was just about to step down the stairs when she heard a voice from behind.

"Samantha?"

It was her neighbor Mr. Franklin living next door. He was a retiree whose wife had died a couple of years ago. From that time on he had lived alone. Every now and then he asked Sam to bring him something from the supermarket or the drugstore which was on the way.

"Hallo, Mr. Franklin." She smiled at the old man when she turned around.

"Are you still on vacation?"

She nodded.

"I should have been an FBI agent. " He said jokingly.

"Probably." Sam didn't know why, but conversations with the old man always made her feel a little less invisible in the big city and sometimes she really liked it.

"I was wondering, if you were heading for the supermarket and could bring this from the pharmacy?" He held out a prescription.

Sam nodded. "Sure."

She was wondering how Mr. Franklin always seemed to pick the right time to open the door so he would run into her. But she knew that he was unbelievably curious in a cute way.

"That's too kind, dear." He said when she took the prescription and then he hesitated for a second as if he wanted to add something. Sam looked at him expectantly.

"I didn't mean to pry on you, of course, but I was wondering if you were seeing Martin again?"

Sam had to chuckle. That came out so innocent that she couldn't be the least bit angry with her neighbor for taking an interest in her private life.

"I am seeing Martin again." she responded.

Mr. Franklin beamed. "I'm really glad. He is an amiable boy. I always liked him."

He sounded like a father being satisfied with his daughter's choice of man.

"I'll be back in about an hour with your medicine, okay?" Sam took two steps in the direction of the stairs.

"Yes, take care, dear." Mr. Franklin called after her.

"As always." She said stepping down the stairs.

-------------------

"Okay, thanks. Yeah, we'll be back within the hour." Danny said to the person on the other end of his cell phone. Then he hung up and put the phone back into the pocket of his coat. He turned to Martin who had already opened the car and was now heading for the driver's door.

"That was Jack. Guess what..." He paused for a moment to give Martin the chance to say something. His friend just shrugged so Danny continued.

"Mildred Lewis just called her friend Lioba Anderson. Obviously she hasn't come home, because she had fallen asleep in her boyfriend's apartment and then slept through. She was afraid to call her parents and didn't dare to go home."

"I wouldn't have dared to do that either. Is she on the way home now?"

Danny got into the car and Martin started the engine.

"According to Jack she is." Danny leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment.

Martin looked at him.

"You tired?" he asked

"Only slightly," he supported his statement with a yawn, "But hopefully I'll be home a little earlier today. That is, if no one calls in a missing person."

"That would be a first: Getting home at the regular time..." Martin said, but of course he hoped that this would be the case today.

"I'm sure Jack still has loads of paperwork to keep us from going home too early." Danny sighed.

"I bet he does."

"So," The typical grin already appeared on Danny's face so Martin could prepare himself of what was about to come, "you're going to see Sam tonight?"

Martin threw a look of played irritation at him, but Danny didn't even stop smiling.

"I might see Sam tonight, yes." He finally gave in.

"That's good. Send her my best wishes then."

"I'll see what I can do."

-------------------

Of course there was paperwork waiting for them when they had successfully beaten New York City traffic and were back at the office.

It took Martin till late in the afternoon before he could finally lean back in his chair stretching his arms out.

"I'm done!" He said not succeeding to suppress a yawn.

"Lucky you..." He heard Vivian's voice from her bullpen, "I still got enough work for another hour. And there I was thinking that I'd be home on time today."

"We all were." Danny couldn't conceal a sarcastic undertone. It wasn't directed towards Vivian, but more towards Jack though he wasn't even present.

"But this needs to be done eventually. Why not now?" Elena asked.

Danny turned around and looked at her as if he wanted to make sure she really had said what he had just heard.

"This is an easy one! Because I'd rather do it some night when I am sitting here anyway and have nothing better to do."

Martin watched his friend explaining this to Elena with amusement while he stuffed his belongings in his bag.

"Okay, guys, I'm off. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Martin." Vivian waved and Elena said her good-byes too.

"See you tomorrow." Danny said with a broad knowing grin on his face.

-------------------

As soon as Martin had stepped out of the FBI building he reached for his phone to call Sam. Of course she knew that he would be coming by after work, but she probably wouldn't expect him to be that early. Because considering the time he usually left the office it still was early.

He quickly dialed the number of her home phone. It was saved in his cell phone, but he still knew her number by heart and he felt that entering it manually was easier.

He could hear it ringing. It continued for twenty seconds and then he had the answering machine.

"_This is Samantha Spade. I'm not at home, obviously. Just leave a message and I'll call you back ASAP._"

Martin hung up. He couldn't get rid of a strange feeling that began to rise in him. She could be anywhere, there was no reason to get worried, but he just couldn't shake it off.

He tried her cell phone next.

"Come on, Sam!" He nervously walked up and down in front of the huge building, "Pick up the phone! Please!" He knew that she couldn't hear him, but it made him feel better to speak his thoughts out loud.

At a certain point he lost track on how long he had let it ring, but she still hadn't answered it.

He forced himself to calm down. This could all be mere coincidence. He ended the call and sighed.

The thing that frightened him about this was that Sam might have got cold feet about them being together and didn't want to answer her phone although she was there. But she had seemed so calm this morning that he hadn't thought about that to happen so far.

He tried both numbers again, but still didn't get anyone.

"Dammit!" He said a little too loud, because he could see people staring at him, but he didn't care about what they thought. _Damn them, too_, he thought in defiance.

He thought about heading to his apartment instead, but if she really was home and there was a problem it needed to be sorted out. That was why he needed to be at Sam's as quickly as possible and he hoped that he was just making a fuss about a problem that didn't exist.

-------------------

Martin knocked at her door for the third time now.

"Sam, if you're there open the door, please." He tried hard to hear if there were any noises coming from inside.

But nothing stirred in Sam's apartment.

He could however hear that another door was opened and only a moment later the old Mr. Franklin living next door come in sight.

"Oh, Martin, it's you. I heard strange noises and thought I'd better have a look, but it's only you I see."

"I'm sorry if I have disturbed you."

Mr. Franklin shook his head and chuckled.

"No, you didn't disturb me. I'm always happy when I'm given a reason to rise from my armchair." The smile on his face faded away when he looked into Martin's worried face.

"You don't happen to know where Sam is, do you?" Martin knew that Mr. Franklin was a curious fellow and if he was lucky he might have seen something this time.

"Well, yes and no. That's why I'm so glad to see you actually." Martin hoped that further elaboration of this bizarre answer would follow and Mr. Franklin didn't disappointed him.

"She left for the supermarket and wanted to go to the pharmacy for me to get my pills, you know for my back and my arthritis, but she has been gone for a couple of hours now."

Martin was relieved and even more concerned at the same time. On the one hand he was relieved that he probably wasn't the reason she didn't answer her phone, but on the other hand he was worried that something might have happened to her.

"When did she leave?" He asked quickly finding his professionalism. It was his job to find missing persons after all.

"About twelve. And she said she would be back in an hour." Mr. Franklin took of his glasses and blinked a couple of times "You don't suppose something has happened to her, do you? I mean, she seemed so positive this morning. I haven't seen her like that in a long time."

Martin tried to block his emotions as good as he could so he could think properly. This could after all just be a big misunderstanding.

"Did she mention where she wanted to go?"

Mr. Franklin shook his head. "No, she didn't, but I guess to the same supermarket she always goes to. It's only a couple of blocks. And she gets my medicine at Hardy's."

Martin took a step towards the stairs.

"I'm gonna see if I can find her."

"Don't worry, son, I'm sure she is okay and will be home soon."

Martin hoped that the old man was right, but he had to look for her nevertheless.

**End Chapter 6...**

_A/N: As this wasn't really much I'm gonna updat asap... but I have a football match tomorrow and I need to learn for plant physiology... But on monday!_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

Martin rushed through the streets on his way to the places Sam could have gone. He carefully scanned every person he passed not wanting to miss her if she might walk by. The fact that her hair was light blonde made this task a little easier for him, but only a little, because it was almost 7 p.m. and still very busy on the sidewalk.

For a second he was thinking about calling Danny for help, but he didn't want to alarm anybody if it was likely that there was nothing to worry about.

He walked past the library, a photo shop and a couple of restaurants.

When they had been together about a year ago they hadn't gone out very often, but he remembered eating at a couple of them.

There was the small Mexican restaurant. He couldn't recall the name, but his memories of the drinks they had had there where quite vivid or blurry, that depended on the way you looked at it. The only thing he knew for sure was that he had been glad that he didn't have to work the next day. He had never felt so miserable in his life as he had after he had woken up the next morning, but he would never have admitted it in front of Sam, because she had seemed to be fine.

And Kali Singh's Indish restaurant where Sam nearly choked, because the food had been so spicy. Everybody had watched as she had gasped for air and Martin had got so worried that he had told the waiter to call 911.

Instead he had brought a glass of a yogurt drink called Lassi which helped instantly.

Martin had to smile when he thought about the catastrophes the evenings of them going out had ended in.

He was called back into reality when someone bumped into him.

It was a blonde woman, but he immediately realized it wasn't Sam.

"Sorry." She muttered and moved along disappearing in the crowd.

It was in moments like these that Martin hated New York City. In a small town it would have been a lot easier to find the one you were looking for.

He stopped to call Sam's cell phone again, but as he had expected there was no one picking it up.

It didn't seem as if he had another choice as to do it the old, familiar way and search for her.

-------------------

He reached the supermarket and there had been no sign of her yet.

It was not very likely that anyone would remember having seen Sam, because it was bustling inside, but he didn't want to give up just now.

"Excuse me...," He studied the nametag on the woman's dress, "...Helen, but you didn't happen to see a woman with light blonde hair, about your own size here approximately between 12 and 1 p.m., did you?"

Helen snorted and shot him a look as if she was sure to have a complete idiot in front of her.

"First of all, we have hundreds of customers every hour so I don't really recall every face or hair or whatever and second I'm not even sure who asks that. For all I know you could be a complete nutcase or a stalker or whatever..."

Martin resisted the urge to show her his badge though he would have loved to see her face when she realized she had just offended a federal agent.

But he just nodded. "Thanks for your help." He said demonstratively friendly so that even she wouldn't be able to miss the irony.

"You're welcome..." She answered and Martin couldn't help a thin smile.

-------------------

He didn't have any luck at the supermarket, but he hadn't expected anything else.

When he left the building he had to admit that he could already feel frustration rising in him . The hope with which he had entered was blown away like dust in the wind.

He reached for his cell phone once more. Maybe Sam had come home in the meantime, but when he heard it ringing for the fifth time his heart sank.

There was still one place he could go looking for her, the drugstore. If this also turned out to be a dead end he would call Danny.

-------------------

The drugstore wasn't very far from the supermarket so that it took Martin only a couple of minutes to get there.

"Hi!" The elderly woman behind the counter greeted him when he entered.

"Hey!" Martin greeted her back and looked around to see if he could make Sam out, but there only was a young woman with what seemed to be her little daughter and an old man in the store.

"I'll be with you in a minute." The assistant told Martin and then disappeared in the back of the store.

When she got back she held a small packet in her hands and gave it to the old man.

"Here, Mr. Peerce, this is what you need. It's 4,90$."

The man paid, thanked her and then left.

"Goodbye, Sir!" She called after him and then turned to Martin. "What can I do for you?"

He felt a bit awkward asking her the same question as he had not 10 minutes ago in the supermarket. It didn't bother him to actually ask her, but he feared the answer.

The woman thought for a moment.

"When did you say it was again?" She asked. Martin was stunned, because he had expected her to disappoint him right away.

"About 1 p.m. And she comes regularly to get medicine for her neighbor ."

The woman thought again.

"And you said she was light blonde and about my size?"

Martin nodded.

"Well I'm not 100 sure, if it was the one you're looking for, but it sounds pretty much like the woman who had to be brought to the hospital at about noon."

Martin couldn't decide whether he was puzzled or shocked.

"The hospital?" He asked to make sure he got this right.

The woman nodded.

"She was standing right in front of me when it happened..." She stopped.

"What happened?" That came out a bit harsher than intended and Martin apologized. "I'm sorry, it's just... I'm worried about her."

The woman put her hand on Martin's shoulder and gave a compassionate smile.

"It's alright..." She paused for a moment to be certain he was okay. Then she continued her story about the woman that supposedly was Sam.

"She came in here and I don't remember what she wanted to get, but suddenly she went all pale and when I asked her if she was okay she shook her head. So I told her to sit down and I would get her some water, but the only thing she did was try to grab the edge of the counter before she sank to the ground. She was unconscious and had hit the floor pretty hard so I called 911 and they were here within two minutes. They said that she would be okay... When they left with her she was just regaining consciousness, but they wanted to take her with them, because they feared she suffered a mild concussion and they wanted to check on that. That she fainted must have had something to do with a low level of blood sugar. And she is in good hands so you don't need to worry."

Martin nodded, but he was concerned nonetheless.

"Do you remember where they took her?" He asked.

"They didn't say, but I would guess to St. Vincent's. Nothing else would make sense as it is the closest."

"Okay, thanks!" He said and already thought about the quickest way to the hospital. If Sam was alright, what everybody seemed to be sure of, he could calm down a bit. But he wasn't really able to, not as long as he hadn't seen it with his own eyes.

"If you find her tell her to get well soon." The woman called after him as he was about to leave the store.

"Thanks, I will. And thanks for the information again. You've been a great help." He turned around to tell her that. If it hadn't been for her he might have never found out about this. He was wondering why Sam hadn't called him though or at least let somebody call him.

**End Chapter 7...**

_A/N: And as I promised I updated... Hope you like it_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

Martin didn't exactly like hospitals. Most people didn't, but in his case the dislike went beyond the usual discomfort.

Ever since he had been shot about a year ago he couldn't enter a hospital without fear. He knew that it was absurd, but he always felt trapped once he was inside.

The smell of sterile instruments, sickness and death only added to this feeling.

But he knew that he could control it so he took a deep breath and made his way to the information.

"Can I help you, Sir?" The young man sitting behind the counter asked.

"I'm looking for Samantha Spade. She was brought here a couple of hours ago."

The man entered something into his computer and turned back to Martin.

"You take the elevator to the third floor and follow the signs showing a 5. It's not said here to which room they brought her, but one of the nurses up there will know."

"Thanks." Martin nodded and made his way towards the elevators.

As he was waiting for it to come down he thought about Sam. If the woman in the drugstore was right and she had suffered a circulatory collapse from a low blood sugar level and a mild concussion they would probably not even want to keep her overnight. Especially because she had somebody to take care of her. Still he couldn't think of a reason why nobody had called him. Maybe Sam's condition was more severe than he had been told so far.

He really had to stop thinking about that. It would only take a couple more minutes before he got to see her and know exactly about her condition. There was no use in worrying himself with speculations.

There was a ring and the doors of the elevator opened so he could step in.

An old woman sitting in a wheelchair gave him a smile and he smiled back, but didn't know what to say.

The old lady on the contrary instantly began to chat with him.

"And whom have you come to visit, my dear?"

Martin would never get used to people calling him "my dear".

"My girlfriend." He answered and the ring of that word sounded strange, but good in connection with Sam.

"Oh," the old lady stopped smiling for a second, "is she okay?"

"I hope so. I was at work when it happened and didn't have the chance to see her yet."

"Are congratulations appropriate?" The lady started smiling again.

Martin just then realized what this was about.

"Erm...no. She didn't..." He didn't need to finish the sentence before the old lady nodded again. She obviously seemed to think Sam had got a baby.

The elevator stopped and Martin had to get out.

"I'm sorry this is the floor I have to be. I have to go. Bye." He said before the typical hospital smell and the glaring light greeted him again.

He followed the number 5 until he came to a door on which big red letters denied access to unauthorized personnel.

He looked around and could see a nurse approaching him. She was very small and had short, dark hair.

"Hey, my name is Jen. Can I help you?" She asked so cheerful that Martin almost forgot all of his worries.

"Hey, yeah, I'm looking for Samantha Spade." He could see her cheerfulness fading and he suddenly felt worse than he had before. "Is she okay?"

Jen slowly nodded. "Are you family?" She asked the standard question everyone who was asked and couldn't answer with a yes hated so much.

"Well, no, I'm her boyfriend." He said afraid that now they wouldn't tell him anything.

Jen seemed to consider that for a second.

"We'll make an exception tonight as long as you promise not to tell anyone."

Martin was relieved. "I won't."

"Okay, Samantha has suffered a mild concussion. It's nothing serious, but..."

Martin knew that there had to be a _but_ coming.

Jen continued. "She is pretty shaken. You probably know that she fainted in a drugstore..." She waited for Martin's reaction and he nodded.

"Yeah, I've been looking for her, because nobody called me or anything."

"She barely talked to us..." Jen sighed. " I usually wouldn't tell you this, but in this case it would probably be better if you knew before you saw her."

Martin felt a mixture of anger and fear rising in him. Why couldn't they just tell him what was going on?

"We took a blood sample from her. That's standard procedure in cases such as this. She fainted, because of a low level blood sugar, but we also found traces of the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin, or better known as hCG in her blood."

Martin waited for her to elaborate, but Jen didn't say anything.

"Meaning?" He couldn't hide his annoyance about always having to ask for an explanation.

"Meaning you're girlfriend is pregnant."

Now Martin had the feeling that he was the one about to faint. If somebody would ask him what he thought now, he didn't know what he could possibly answer. This was a real surprise.

The first moment of speechlessness was instantly replaced by a thousand thoughts that came to his mind.

"I... I mean..." He couldn't form a sentence, because he always began to stutter.

Jen smiled at him.

"You better talk about this with Samantha, but I'm not sure she took it so well. That's why I wanted you to know before you meet her. She has had a tough couple of hours and she barely talked to anyone."

Now Martin understood why she hadn't called him. This must have come to her as a real shock. He himself wasn't really sure what to think of it, but Sam was very sensitive in this respect.

Suddenly he started wondering if this child really was his. She could only be three weeks pregnant if it was.

"If you like you can also take her home. She is okay, we just didn't want her to leave alone. But if she has somebody to care for her... I'll call for the doctor to sign the papers." Jen said.

Martin nodded. This was probably something to discuss at home.

"I just want to see her before, if that's okay."

"Sure, just take your time and call me when you're ready. I'll show you to her room now."

"Thanks."

-------------------

He carefully opened the door and tried to step into the room as quietly as possible. The light on the inside was dim and he could see Sam lying in a bed. The other beds were empty.

Sam was just staring at her own hands. She hadn't heard him yet.

But when he closed the door she looked up and he could see that she was holding her breath.

"I..." She wanted to begin, but the tears had already begun falling.

"I..." She tried again. Sobs interrupted her and the only thing she could do was shrug.

"Hey..." Martin tried to comfort her while he took a chair to sit down next to her.

Sam let her head fall back on the white pillow and buried her face in her hands.

The nurse had been right. It was obvious that Sam hadn't taken the news very well and Martin was glad that he already knew what this was about. All of this had been a real surprise for him too, but maybe it hadn't really sunk in yet. Sam on the other hand had had the time to think about this.

It just made him feel so helpless to see her like that.

He reached for her right hand and gently pulled it from her face to take it in his.

Both of them said nothing for a while. Finally Sam took the other hand from her face so she could look at him. She was still sobbing, but the tears had ceased falling. He could sense that she didn't know what to say so he took the opportunity.

"I know. The nurse told me." It wasn't hard to see that she felt relieved. She wouldn't have had any idea how he could have told him that.

"I'm so sorry!" Her voice was feeble and as soon as those words were out the tears began streaming down her cheeks again.

Martin got up from his chair and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Come here!" He helped her sit up to hug her and she didn't resist.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, okay? Nothing!" He whispered his cheek pressed against her hair as he gently caressed her back.

They sat like that for quite a while. The only sound Martin could hear was Sam's breath against his chest which was interrupted by a sob every now and then.

He looked out of the window. It was dark already which was not surprising at this time of the day.

He couldn't help a sigh. _This must all be a dream_, he thought. Anything else wouldn't make much sense. They had just got back together and now they were already expecting an addition to their "family"? This sounded like an episode from a soap opera... one that was really badly written.

Not that he didn't want children, but this was like being pushed into the cold water. He suddenly realized what it would mean if he messed this up. They couldn't take everything as slow as they intended anymore. That was if the child really was his.

If it wasn't Sam could have other plans which might not even include him.

He pushed these thoughts aside. They would have enough time to talk about that later. This wasn't the right moment.

He felt Sam's breath going more steady than before.

"You feeling better?" He asked.

Sam nodded. "A little."

She could feel him kissing the top of her head.

"The nurse said I could take you home. Would you like that?"

She nodded again.

"Okay, I go and see if I can find her." He placed another kiss on her forehead and then stood up to find Jen.

-------------------

"There are two things I want you to do, Miss Spade." The doctor said while he signed the leave papers. "Rest once you're at home and go to see a gynecologist as soon as possible. And then I hope I won't see you around for another eight months."

Sam knew that this was supposed to be funny, but she wasn't in the mood for jokes. A simple "okay" was all she could say.

"And you take good care of her." He said to Martin while he shook his hand goodbye.

Martin nodded and smiled not very convincingly.

"Good night and good luck with everything that's coming." Jen called after them when they were heading for the elevator.

Martin turned around to wave and yell a thanks across the whole floor.

Sam was to preoccupied with her own thoughts. She knew that there was a conversation to come. That would make two conversations she really feared in two days. Definitely too much.

**End Chapter 8...**

**A/N**:...There it is out...Hope I haven't disappointed anyone! What do you think?


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

They barely talked on their ride home.

Sam had wanted to walk, but Martin had insisted to take a cab. She was just out of the hospital and in no condition to walk home. Sam hadn't really argued about it like she sometimes did when she was in one of her stubborn moods. But she was too tired and had others things on her mind to contradict. So she had just got into the cab and looked out of the window.

It was strange which way days could turn out when you had actually woken up with such a positive feeling.

She remembered when the nurse had come in and told her everything was okay, but that the blood sample had shown something else.

She hadn't been able to breathe at first and the nurse had needed to call a doctor. After that she hadn't said a single word to anyone. Then out of the blue Martin had stood in her room and suddenly the emotions hit her with such force that she couldn't do anything but cry.

She didn't know for how long she had cried, but the fact that he was there and just holding her had made things seem less frightful.

It wasn't such a horrible thing to be pregnant of course, but it forced you to think about things you didn't want to think about before. Life had to go somewhere, you needed a direction and you needed to come to terms with yourself. Those were only a few things that had made Sam say she never wanted kids. She was afraid to go wrong somewhere, to mess things up with Martin... She only knew that she couldn't do this on her own and she didn't want to either.

When the cab stopped she was pulled from her thoughts. They were there already and Martin paid.

"Good night!" he called after the driver before he followed Sam up the stairs.

She reached the door of her apartment first and searched her pockets for the keys when she heard the door on the other site of the hallway open.

"Oh, Samantha, I'm so glad Martin found you at last! Are you okay?" It was Mr. Franklin.

Sam nodded. "I'm fine!"

A deep sigh of relief escaped the old man.

"I'm so glad to hear that. Now I can sleep save and sound. I was so worried about you, my dear!"

It was touching that people you actually barely knew seemed to care in a city that was known to be so anonymous.

"I'm so sorry I forgot your medicine, Mr. Franklin. I'll get it tomorrow, if that's okay."

"Sure, it's okay. I'm just glad you're home now. Good night!" And with that he closed his door again.

Sam finally found the keys and opened the door.

She let out a deep sigh when she entered and threw the keys on the drawer standing nearby. Then she took off her coat and let herself fall on the couch. Martin did the same and they sat there in the darkness for a while none of them saying a word.

When he could hear her move beside him he felt it was save to risk beginning a conversation.

"You have been really quiet..." He hadn't even brought his sentence to an end before he noticed how stupid that sounded. But he couldn't take it back. He just looked at her face which he barely saw in the light of the street lamps coming through the window.

"I can't think of much to say."

This was exactly the answer he had expected to his question. And there wasn't really anything else to say.

"Me neither." He had to admit.

There was a long silence between them.

Martin heard Sam taking a deep breath. _Was she crying?_

"Sam?"

She didn't answer.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"No. I'm sorry... it's just so..." She was crying again. The sound of her voice told him and now he could even see the tears shimmering in the dim light.

When he reached for her and held her close he could feel her warm breath against his chest.

As he had her in his arms like this it felt as if her pain crept over to him. Suddenly it was hard for him to suppress his own tears. But he didn't show it and he managed to control it.

"I never really pictured myself as a mother..." He could hear Sam's weak voice after a while. She hesitated for a second. "I just never really felt like it was a job I could handle. But I guess you grow with the responsibility you get, right?" The tone of her voice screamed for acknowledgment.

"I guess you do..." Martin replied as if he was lost in thoughts.

Sam pressed her face to his shirt and took a couple of deep breaths.

"You know what people say?" She asked afterwards.

Martin shook his head although he knew that she couldn't see it.

"No, what do people say?"

"They say that good things happen to you when you least expect them. If that's true it could be a good thing." She sounded as innocent as a child when she spoke like that.

"Yeah." Was all Martin could say. It really touched him to see how she felt about everything that had happened today.

She covered her eyes with her hands, but took them down only a moment later.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna stop crying now. It's just...I'm sorry." Her face was buried in his shirt again.

Martin sighed and began to stroke her hair.

"Sam, you don't have to be sorry for this, okay? This is not your fault. For all I know it always takes two for things like these to happen."

He could see Sam nodding slowly.

"I know, but..." the moment she hesitated then was one of the longest Martin had ever lived through. He actually didn't expect not to be the father of the child, but he just wanted to be sure and the way she had begun her sentence frightened him.

"God, there's so many things to talk about now. I feel like my head is going to explode from the hundreds of thoughts that are rushing through there right now. I've got a terrible headache and I really wish I could take a goddamn painkiller, but I'd better not do it, cause I don't have a clue how this is going to affect the baby."

She became really angry in the course of her elaboration. Martin had to smile at that. He thought that this was actually more cute than intimidating which she could also be at times.

"Maybe you should lie down and try to sleep a little then." He suggested.

"Yeah, maybe." She was back in her pensive mood, but her voice sounded not so weak anymore. Her head was still resting against Martin's chest.

"I hope this doesn't change anything between us?" Martin finally took the courage to ask.

Sam thought about this.

"Well... I think it does in more ways than one. I mean, you haven't really said much about this yet. And I guess you have a say in this too as it also is your child." She looked up at him and he looked down on her and for a moment they just watched the shadows on each others faces.

"You do want to keep this child do you?" Martin finally asked.

Sam's gaze shifted to her for herself invisible hands which where lost somewhere in the darkness.

"I can't really say I haven't thought about abortion when the nurse told me about the pregnancy. Actually that was the first thought that came to my mind: How do I get rid of this thing? I just panicked and I lay there all alone." She had to stop for a moment so the tears wouldn't overwhelm her once again. When she continued her eyes met Martin's again for a second. Then she kept on staring into the darkness.

"But you know... this baby cannot really be blamed for being there, can it? We have take responsibility for that. And if I would still be too young or had too little income to care for this child I think it might be worth another thought, but the only thing that's keeping me from being happy to be a mother is my own fear to fail."

Martin knew how much strength it must have taken her to tell him that and he couldn't begin to express how glad he was that she had. This was proof that it was finally working between them. They had worked on their relationship far more in the past two days than they had in the year they had been together.

He kissed her forehead and held her even closer than before.

"Then the only thing I need to say about this is that I'm going to go this way with you... from the beginning to the end."

Sam looked up at him and her eyes met his. It was a look of understanding.

"I would like that very much." She said with a smile.

**The END**

**_A/N: Okay this might seem a bit surprising to end this story here, but I have planned this quite a while ago, because I just didn't want to tell everything about this... (the funny thing is that i always imagined "Open your eyes" by Snow Patrol to be the end title and when I wrote the last sentence my mp3-player played it...Now that was a sign!)_**

_**They are going to have the baby, but whether it's going to be a boy or girl and what name he/she will get is up to you...**_

_**Of course I have my own ideas about this and I would have loved to write Danny's reaction, but I just feel like this is an appropriate end.**_

_**And I would love to hear what you imagine how it's going to be and what name the baby is going to have...**_

_**I always thought it was going to be a boy with the name Aidan or something like that... and he'll have blonde hair, freckles and play soccer when he's older:)**_


End file.
